10 Geeky Things I Want to Do Before I Die — What Are Yours?
I came up with the idea of the F*** It! List almost eight years ago, when I was going through some particularly rough treatment for cancer. For some reason, The Playbook of Awkward Attempts to Make You Feel Better seems to have a section in there that recommends your friends and family bring up the idea of bucket lists.
You see the problem here… right? A bucket list is built on the basic premise that there’s a bunch of shit you need/want to get done before you die, or “kick the bucket”; and yet for some reason, people found it kind of odd that I didn’t really want to think about dying right now since I was a little busy trying to not die.
I wasn’t going through radiation with the hope of developing super powers, people.
As with most great original ideas that are actually nothing more than slight variations of someone else’s original idea, it started with a question: I couldn’t figure out why we needed to be scared shitless of death to get us off our asses and do what we want to do. With the F*** It! List, it’s about doing those things because they’re cool and because why the hell not?
Instead of “New Year’s Resolutions,” try putting together some “New Life’s Resolutions” of geek/pop culture benchmarks you want to reach. Mix it up with varying degrees of difficulty, from things you can actually accomplish to things you’re gonna shoot for or die tryin’ (figuratively, of course). And as long as you’re committed to it, don’t undercut yourself with unrealistic and self-defeating time frames.
So with that said, here’s what’s made it to my list. Let me know what you think by commenting below, and share some things you’d want to see on your F*** It! List
●Look directly at an NBC camera and scream, “Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!” from Saturday Night Live’s famed Studio 8H. SNL has had a direct impact on almost every aspect of our society for the past 40+ years, and its stage has been a “history book” of cultural relevance that entire span. We’re talking the stage that John Belushi owned every time he was out there. If I’m being really greedy? I’d want to anchor “Weekend Update” with either Tina Fey or Amy Pohler (was a Dennis Miller fan until he went a whole lotta wacky).
●Have someone officially write in my name on the ballot for President of the United States of America in 2020. Look, I’ve been politically active and opinionated for the past 20 years, so I’ve understood well before this past election just how important a vote can be. Having said that? I want someone to write my name in, take a pic of it (in a state where that’s legal, dammit!), register that vote, and then send me the pic. Because I think it would be cool to know that at least one person thought enough of me to formally register me as viable vote for POTUS. And unless we’re living in a cheesy Kevin Costner movie (look it up), spare me that old “one vote makes a difference” stuff because it’s actually a crap-load of votes (and money) that make the real differences.
●Be a panelist during an entire Real Time with Bill Maher-type program (the ability to curse is mandatory) with a killer lineup of politicians, media personalities, and celebrities. Since this is my dream scenario, there would be at least two close-minded right-wingees also on the panel whom I can tee-off on during the broadcast.
●Present one of the major categories at the Golden Globes or Academy Awards. I’m thinking the Golden Globes because of the whole “everyone gets drunk” rep, so that’s gotta be interesting. Figuring I couldn’t do any worse than Johnny Depp‘s “interpretive dance homage” to The Exorcism of Emily Rose and the walkers on The Walking Dead at 2014’s Hollywood Film Awards.
●Killed on screen by Jason Vorhees, Michael Myers, or Freddy Krueger. Could be in a prequel, the 86th sequel, or the 12th remake. Could even be in space, for all I care. There’s just no way that wouldn’t be pretty sweet.
●Broadcast live from the middle of a major social/political unrest event (think ending to V for Vendetta). To be the eyes and ears for those who can’t bare witness themselves to a major event of historic consequence. I always think back to Walter Cronkite declaring the Vietnam War lost during his national news broadcast; Edward R. Murrow taking on Sen. Joseph McCarthy and “McCarthyism;” and Anderson Cooper broadcasting live from the streets of New Orleans when the government said they couldn’t get in.
●Have a regular pop culture commentary column in Rolling Stone or Entertainment Weekly. Dr. Hunter S. Thompson. Matt Taibbi. Stephen King. Dalton Ross. Chuck Klosterman. Rob Sheffield. Those names are my reasons, don’t need any more.
●Perform 20 minutes of live stand-up to a sold-out crowd at Caroline’s on Broadway in NYC. Similar to my SNL wish, Caroline’s stage has been graced with some of the biggest names in comedy for years. To be able to be on the same stage that Dave Chappelle‘s performed on and get even a single laugh would be mind-blowing.
●Host a late-night talk show that’s a hybrid of Graham Norton and Later… with Jools Holland, with just a touch of “public access television” to it. Everyone comes out at the same time and sits together, going more for a mix of individual and group conversations; opening up the possibility for guests to interview each other. Guest musicians/bands are also part of the group interview, and then I walk over to the performing area with them as we go to commercial and they perform when we come back. Last two things? Doesn’t ever take itself too seriously, and definitely has a bar.
●Host a panel/event of my own creation at New York Comic Con (NYCC) and San Diego Comic-Con (SDCC). “Our Sister of the Geeky Guilty Pleasures” is the concept behind it, and I’m going to leave it at that. It’s a pretty sweet take on the idea of “confessing” our “geek sins” for either public humiliation or cool prizes. Let me just say this one last thing: the visuals alone would be awesome.
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